Tag Archives: failed relationship

Don’t Settle for Less Than You Are Worth

woman with hatSometimes as women, we are so beaten and battered by those around us that we forget what we are worth. We chose the wrong people in our lives and although we know that these people are not good for us; do not bring anything to the relationship; and only provide us with hurt and pain, we still hold on.

Why? Because sometimes we forget what we are worth!

We have to realize that we cannot make someone treat us well. We cannot make someone love us the way we want to be loved. And we cannot make someone be there for us if they decide otherwise.  We have to know what we are willing to take and how long we will put up with someone who does not care.

For some people it takes many years and for others as soon as they realize that the relationship is not working out they leave.  But more than often many of us do not give up right away. We still try to hold on. We believe that if we “give him some more time,” he will come around or change.  We make excuses for people’s bad behavior “oh he has a lot on his plate” or “he had a stressful day today.” Regardless of what one is going through, it does not give that person the right to treat his partner any less.

Many years ago, a co-worker told me that she was very unhappy in her marriage because her husband was always verbally abusive to her. He would say things to hurt her feelings and he would put her down in front of others. She did not feel good about herself – she thought she was ugly.  When she told me this I was very surprised. She was a very attractive woman with a great personality, but because of how her significant other was treating her she felt ugly. She eventually gained some strength and determination and packed up and left with her two children.

When he realized that she left him, he was shocked. They were both in church and he decided to seek counseling. After so many years of verbal abuse and name calling he finally realized that what he was doing to his wife was wrong. They eventually rekindled their marriage and are still married today. But she had to realize her self-worth and decided that she was worth more than he was giving her.

If you are in a situation where you know you deserve better, don’t sit around and wait for that person to change, because unless you demand better you will never get it.

“As long as you look for someone else to validate who you are by seeking their approval, you are setting yourself up for disaster. You have to be whole and complete in yourself. No one can give you that. You have to know who you are – what others say is irrelevant.” ― Nic Sheff

The Other Woman – Why she keeps holding on

holding onMany years ago while I was dealing with my marriage from hell, I asked myself many times why the women my husband was involved with kept holding on although he refused to leave home to be with them.  I could not understand why they chose to put themselves in that situation. While I was questioning their reasons for holding on, I was comforting myself with the reasons I was staying. The kids, the house, and how far we have come to achieve what we had was my reasons for staying.  I was also hoping that he would change and eventually give me the love, attention and respect I deserved.

What I did not understand was that some of the reasons why I was holding on, were the same reasons why the other women were holding on too. They wanted someone to build a life with, they wanted a man around for their children, and they also craved the same love and attention I was craving.

But what I eventually realize was that they were holding on because of what my husband was telling them. They hoped that someday he would leave and be with them. What they did not realized was that just as he was telling them stories, he was also telling me stories too.

One of his women and I used to argue with each other all the time as if we were in a competition for a trophy. She would not back down and neither would I. As the wife, I feel entitled to say whatever I felt like saying. In the end, I threw in the towel and filed the divorce papers.

You cry and you scream and you stomp your feet and you shout. You say, ‘You know what? I’m giving up, I don’t care.’ And then you go to bed and you wake up and it’s a brand new day, and you pick yourself back up again.” – Nicole Scherzinger