One of my friends who have been married for more than twenty years and whose husband continuously indulge in sexual affairs with other women asked me, “How did you know that you had enough – that it was time for you to end the marriage.”
She said, “I want to leave, but I just can’t. I keep hoping and praying that he will change and that we will have the marriage God wants for us.”
The day I knew that I have had enough, I listened to my husband’s voicemail and heard his mistress thanking him for a “wonderful time” and applauding him for being “such a great lover.” While I was shocked, hurt and angry, I knew that there was no hope for my marriage. I envisioned him lying in bed with this woman and I could no longer bring myself to sleep with him. The thoughts not only infuriated me but also made me feel insecure and not good enough. Why couldn’t he be satisfied with me? What was wrong with me? What was she doing to him that was so different? These questions tormented me over and over again.
Our marriage was rocky for a long time and we had been back and forth so many times due to his infidelity and abuse that I decided that if I had to lose everything and start over again I would do it. It was not an easy journey and many times I wondered if I was wrong in giving up, but in the end it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.
So when my friend asked me this question, I looked at her and said, “Whenever you get to that point in your marriage you will know it. Nothing will matter anymore and all you are going to look forward to is peace, quiet and solidarity.
“Every cloud has a silver lining. The edge of light that shines brightest holds a sliver of hope for a bright today & an even better tomorrow.”― Truth Devour
Although there is no one reason why marriages fail, infidelity has proven to be one of the most common perpetrators. It is difficult to know exactly how many people really cheat within their marriage because keeping track of the reasons for all failed marriages certainly is an impossible task. We hear the argument all the time that half of marriages that end in divorce are as a result of infidelity. Is this really true? A research published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy stated that 57 percent of men admitted to committing infidelity in any relationship they’ve had while 54 percent of women admitted to the same.
Infidelity is not an easy issue to deal with. I remember the day I found out that my ex-husband was having an affair with someone else how it made me feel. At first I was hurt, then angry, then depressed – to the point that I felt like dying. It took a lot for me to pull myself together and realize that there was nothing wrong with me; that I was just as worthy as the other woman – beautiful, smart with a good sense of humor; and an awesome mother. But all these qualities did not stop my ex-husband from carrying on affairs with other women who were not as educated and ambitious as I was.
One woman and I used to quarrel all the time as if we were in a competition for a trophy. And the truth is, he was no Romeo! But when you are in a situation you are so blinded and your head is so mixed-up that you don’t even realize that you deserve better. It was not until I had the courage to say “enough” I realized that he had a problem – not me. That he was the one who did not see the “good qualities” I possess, and that he was the one who stand to lose more than I did.
“Success is determined not by whether or not you face obstacles, but by your reaction to them. And if you look at these obstacles as a containing fence, they become your excuse for failure. If you look at them as a hurdle, each one strengthens you for the next.”― Ben Carson
I gathered my strength and never looked back. I am crossing my hurdles one at a time on my journey to success. You can do it too!!
Many years ago while I was dealing with my marriage from hell, I asked myself many times why the women my husband was involved with kept holding on although he refused to leave home to be with them. I could not understand why they chose to put themselves in that situation. While I was questioning their reasons for holding on, I was comforting myself with the reasons I was staying. The kids, the house, and how far we have come to achieve what we had was my reasons for staying. I was also hoping that he would change and eventually give me the love, attention and respect I deserved.
What I did not understand was that some of the reasons why I was holding on, were the same reasons why the other women were holding on too. They wanted someone to build a life with, they wanted a man around for their children, and they also craved the same love and attention I was craving.
But what I eventually realize was that they were holding on because of what my husband was telling them. They hoped that someday he would leave and be with them. What they did not realized was that just as he was telling them stories, he was also telling me stories too.
One of his women and I used to argue with each other all the time as if we were in a competition for a trophy. She would not back down and neither would I. As the wife, I feel entitled to say whatever I felt like saying. In the end, I threw in the towel and filed the divorce papers.
“You cry and you scream and you stomp your feet and you shout. You say, ‘You know what? I’m giving up, I don’t care.’ And then you go to bed and you wake up and it’s a brand new day, and you pick yourself back up again.” – Nicole Scherzinger